Open up our eyes!

Sometimes in life we have someone who seems like they have a mission to bring us down and make us feel we are not worthy! I have that someone front and center. Its a very hot and cold relationship, I wouldn't call it a friendship but we harbor each others deepest secrets and know each other better than anyone else.

Sometimes the words hurt, they have built up over the years and made me feel like I maybe I am not worthy of his love! But the truth Is I already have someone who is worthy of my love and  he loves me no matter what I do or say, I am forgiven and I am new each and everyday.

A Friend posted the elevation worship cd on facebook and without hesitation I purchased the cd, not just a song but the whole cd last night. It has truly spoken to my heart in a way I couldn't have imagined 16 hours ago. That is the power of God.

'Open Up Our Eyes'

Greater is the one who's in us
Greater is the one who calls our name
He will never fail
Stronger is the one within us
Stronger is the one who fights for us
He will never fail
You will never fail

For Your love endures forever
Oh Your love endures forever
Open up our eyes, surround us with Your light
Your love endures forever

Mighty is the one who's for us
Mighty is the one who's strong to save
He will make a way
You will make a way

For Your love endures forever
Oh Your love endures forever
Open up our eyes, surround us with Your light
Your love endures forever

Our God is fighting for us always
Our God is fighting for us all
Our God is fighting for us always
We are not alone, we are not alone

Our God is fighting for us always
Our God is fighting for us all
Our God is fighting for us always
We are not alone, we are not alone
We are not alone, we are not alone

For Your love endures forever
Oh Your love endures forever
Open up our eyes, surround us with Your light
Your love endures forever

Our God is fighting for us always
Our God is fighting for us all
Our God is fighting for us always
We are not alone, we are not alone
We are not alone, we are not alone
We are not alone, we are not alone

For those moments you either cant fight it or are afraid to fight it alone, always know that he is here for you.

These words inspired me to wake up today and be happy and joyful for I was reminded I am NOT alone.

No matter what journey or path I choose he will always be right there beside me even if no else is.

He will give me strength and grace!

I have failed many times and will continue to fail but with his Grace I can get back up and do it again.

I am embarking on this journey to finding me finding happy finding something more... I am confidant that there is more out there for me. Something big and its so close I can feel it.

Please check out the song that has awaken me in a way.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VbZbsQyiQVI

If you have a song that empowered you, or helped you through a tough place please share with me.

Hope you all have a blessed day for you are not alone!

Finding a new version of me!

The last 3 years have been a Journey!

A journey of sadness, excitement, frustration, exhaustion, anger, jealousy, and every now and then shear terror. The kind that makes you question everything you do.

Three years ago I walked away from something I thought I had wanted so badly, actually someone. Someone that I loved, that I laughed with, cried with, had children with but that same person was the one that hurt me the most, he lied to me, he took a lot from me, he beat me down, and made me feel like nothing;  yet I still thought I loved him!?!

One day I woke up and thought to myself you couldn't possibly love him after all he has done to you, so I decided after TEN years that I was done. That I had given him way more chances than he deserved, that he would NEVER change, but more importantly he wasn't my Prince Charming.

Not the kind in fairy tales the kind here in REALITY.

The kind that told you were beautiful, encouraged you, wanted to be with you, the kind that told you his secrets and introduced you to his family (Before your were prego with his 1st born). I just realized there was so much more I wanted out of life and so much more I deserved. I wanted to really feel LOVE. Not just give it but receive it!

I wanted to be appreciated and doted on and made to feel like a princess and the next Truth is I would have settled for every once in a while not everyday.

In realizing that I could do it all alone because I had always done it all alone I made the leap and said I am done and meant it for the first time in 10 years!

Reality...I was done with his SHIT and I was to the point that I would rather be alone than do everything alone and not have a partner.

Most of you are thinking good for you he sounds Awful, and he was but that feeling of relief didn't last long.

It was followed by some depression and wonder if I would ever find real love and even questioning if I made the right choice.

Fast forward 3 years.. I am the big 30, and I still have not met MR.Right!

At first the thought of that makes me sad but then again I know I am part of a bigger plan. I know and trust that God has a bigger plan for my life.

I have realized that I do have Love in my life, in its most pure form the love of not one but two children who are my world.

Even though they make me CRAZY sometimes they are my Loves!

Sometimes you wonder why things happen the way they do but at the end of the day you have to just TRUST that its they way it was meant too.

I am blessed beyond words and I am excited to see what lies ahead on this journey.

Things in the future to talk about...

1. DATING... Say WHAT???

2. Not parenting with Guilt

3. Being the best Mom you can (And Dad)

4. Making sometime for ME!

5. Excepting help when you need it.

6. Loosing Weight

7. Managing my STRESS

8. Volunteering More

9. Taking down the Walls I created

10. Trying to Love again... One day, Get over the FEAR

Those are all things I need to work on over the next year. This is a little late for the resolution thing, I am also aware that a few if not all may take more time than 365. I will have good days and bad and I am okay with that. One day at a time is all I can do anyway. Focusing on yesterday or tomorrow leaves no room for today!

Thanks to all you girls out there who have laughed with me cried with me and listened to me yell and scream when I needed you the most. I have to say I have been blessed with ladies who get me, accept me and Love me too.