Happy 'almost' 13th Birthday Caleb

I can't believe I will officially have a teenager tomorrow. (In 12 hours to be exact) Where does time go? As crazy & hard at times as the last 13 or 14 years were part of me wishes I could go back just a little bit. I want to hold that little blonde curly haired blue eyed boy that completely stole my heart . This one: 

He melts me. He was the reason I got to be called Mama. He might be almost as tall as me but he will always be my little boy. Yes I am crying. 

Dear Caleb, 

During that 9 months you were in my belly I was so young & honestly scared. I new the moment I laid eyes on you though that I could do this, that forever it would be me and my boy. Your deep blue eyes & blonde hair and that gapped tooth smile melted me. You have taught me so much over the last 13 years, you are part of my pride & joy. 

You are Compassionate, Loving, Big hearted and So funny. (too funny at times) Together we have learned that when something is hard as long as we keep working on it anything is possible. I know you don't love school but you have proved to me and yourself what hard work looks like & I love seeing that look of accomplishment in your eyes. You love sports, music & any kind of gun. You are truly a boys boy, dirt is one of your besties. I love that you are a dreamer, you believe that anything is possible and you are so right buddy. Anything you want to do in this world you can with hard work, dedication & passion. Sometimes you just have to dig really deep to find it but always remember it's there. I am honestly a little nervous about the next few years, these are the years that you find yourself while having some independence. This is when peer pressure is real, mistakes are made, lessons are learned and there is plenty of new fun to be had. 

I worry about you so much, I worry about the mistakes you haven't made yet, the friends you will pick, the attitude you have shown at times (not fun). Most importantly I worry about your heart. I want you to more than anything to always remember there is a higher power God created everything about you that made you who you are. He made you exactly who you are supposed to be, I want you to make the best choice even when it's not easy, I want you to learn from your mistakes, I want you to be able to say you are sorry when you are wrong. I want you to stand up for you what you believe in. I want you to show compassion for those who need it, I want all these things and more for you. I pray for you everyday buddy & I want you to know that I couldn't imagine my every day with out you. You have made me into the woman and Mama I am today. I am not perfect, I have bad days & make mistakes too. I can't wait to see what 13 brings us, I am already so proud of the young man you are becoming, I will be here for you every step of the way. I am the biggest fan that you have in this world. I love you with all my heart. And always remember that you can move mountains my sweet boy! 

All my love 

Xo, 

Mama 

Kylee's 1st All Star Cheer Competition

I am a little late with this post however my girl finally got to experience the rush of an auditorium with all eyes on her doing what she loves most, Cheering! This has become quite the passion for her, she eat, sleeps & breaths it literally ALL she thinks about. Can't wait to see where this takes her one day, who knows maybe a college cheerleader for our Buckeys. Where ever it takes her I sure am proud of her & her hard work and dedication she is always striving to be better or learn the next stunt to better herself. 

After a 5am wake up call to travel to Greensboro NC here are some pics from her big day. 

 

These girls above are part of her stunt group, they are super close & love being together ❤️

Some of her teammates hope to get a better group shot at the next competition. 

This is Kylee after her performance wearing her 2nd place medal. She was so funny so said " I was so excited I could have puked"! Glad she didn't ;) She was awesome her facial expressions were priceless, her coach said to me we didn't put her front & center for nothing. That's my girl has a flair for the dramatics just like her Mama did. (I hate to admit that, however I loved performing on stage too) 

So proud of this girl, I am no longer a 'Rookie' Cheer Mom so bring it on December 14th. 

Xo, 

KB (one proud Mama) 

Thankful & need YOUR Help!

I have so many things to be thankful for this year. I have my health and my new found streghth. I have motherhood & two amazing kids that call me Mommy. They aren't perfect nor is our charmed life. The stress, homework, hormones and moments of failure seem to get the best of me at times however no amount of chaos would keep me from doing it ALL over again. They are my biggest accomplishment and I love them with all of my heart, even when they fight, scream and don't listen ;) Time is starting to feel like something I don't have a lot of. They are becoming people and I am proud of who they are and the things that they are doing. 

I am blessed with an amazing family, my parents may not have always agreed with my choices but they have always been there for me. I wouldn't be where I am today without them. All 4 of them! 

Coming up on the season of giving I have decided to help a friend who deserves and needs help; she is a selfless mother who goes without so her child can have. She worries about how to pay bills & put food on the table but does her best to keep her fears hidden while being a Mom. This year I want to make sure providing a Christmas for her son and something special for her is done. So with that I ask that you think about helping her out. Any amount would be amazing. I would like to surprise her with a gift card so she can play Santa & put some food in the fridge. I would also like to take her son out to shop for his Mama, so he can wrap a present and place it under the tree for her. Something that probably hasn't happened in a long time. If you interested in helping please call or email me. 

If al else be thankful this year be thankful for everything in your life. The chaos, the lack of sleep, the worry and the fun, the little things in life. Don't let it pass you by. 

I am forever greatful for my life, my family & my fiends you have all made me who I am today. Love you all. 

If you are interested in donating please call or email me. 

#980-475-4612

k_bush4182@hotmail.com

Best wishes, 

KB 

Which direction does your parenting Compass point?!

I love my kids so much, they are my whole world. I wanted them for as long as I could remember, I always knew that I wanted to be a Mom. I just never imagined raising them in a broken home & alone. I feel like the worldly stuff, the anger, the hurt, the stress, the financial burden, the being tired has at times caused me to be the Mom I never wanted to be. The kind that yelled, and shamed my own children for the sin of another, unable to control my irrational behavior, the sad Mom who just didn't want to deal with the situation, the one who cried in the bathroom, cried at night, tried to hide the pain by pushing it down deeper & deeper every day, the one with the brave front and the smile to fool a stranger. Don't get me wrong I am not claiming to be a bad Mom, I am claiming that I had moments so far in motherhood that I am not proud of, moments I want to forget however the 'New' me is telling myself to feel the pain, to face it to own up to wrong way I parented so that I can learn from it, and try my best Every day to be a better parent. To be the best parent aside from my environment. Yes I may have a bad day, or a headache or worried about the bills but those are NOT my children's worries, and they don't deserve to be on the other end of my frustration. I want to teach them, I want them to learn from there mistakes, try there best, admit when they are wrong and so much more. In order to do that I need to remember that they are still kids, that growing is a process, it doesn't happen over night.

I want to parent, so that I am teaching them not throwing stones at them. It is not my job to judge them, it is my job to teach them right from wrong and explain to them what is expected, how God would want us to live. I read a few articles today that I am sure I was meant to read the first one was about telling the little nagging voice in your head to GO AWAY, that they aren't welcome. To remind myself that I too am human, I mess up, I have bad days, I have done wrong, but most importantly I have been forgiven and I get to try again to do better. That I am one person meaning I can only do so much, I cant do and be everything I want and I am learning to be okay with that, I am believer in seasons and right now I am being a Mom, a better Mom, a forgiving Mom, a Praying Mom, a Mom that is excited to see what is in store for my little family. I am reminded often how blessed I am, to have two amazing, healthy, smart, loving kids and boy do they love me, I needed to hear myself say that, They Love Me! They look up to me, the see the strength that I don't see at times, they are proud of me, and I of them. Being a parent is hard, every single child is different every single child is special, and as a parent you know your child better than anyone else in the world. I love them so much, I want to protect them, guide them, fix things, help them, laugh with them, play with them and be with them,

This brings me to the next article I read, about parenting with Mercy. The word Mercy means to show Compassion or forgiveness towards someone whom it is within ones power to punish or harm. This gave me chills, this made me think about how to parent, the made me think about how to speak to them, the tone in my voice, the look on my face while talking to them. I was shown earlier in the week that the word 'Compass' is in the word Compassion, compass being something that we use to find our way. I needed to be reminding in the direction I was going to handle this parenting of a preteen the changes the stress the hormones it had been weighing on me and I had begun to pray for guidance for more strength for I was feeling weak. Caleb is learning about maps, direction and the compass this week in school, as I helped him review for a test using this word so many times it didn't hit me until we had a rough last hour of the night. The kids both got into trouble for not being honest, and one got in trouble in school and didn't tell me. Needless to say my reaction wasn't pleasant and everyone went to bed in tears, myself included. I felt defeated I felt angry that I had to do it alone, I felt sad, a good friend reminded me that I am human, that in the morning I could said I'm sorry, I could hug them and I could remind them that today is a new day and that is just what I did.

After I dropped them to school I rolled the window down a bit enjoyed the breeze on my face, drank my coffee and soaked in the start of a new day. I was reminded through the Parenting with Mercy article to do just that, to not call it a time out chair to call it the Mercy chair, to have my child reflect on why they were there but most importantly to reflect with them, to take that moment to teach them, to forgive them and to restore order and peace in our home and our hearts. I don't want them going to bed upset with me anymore I want us going to bed at PEACE as a family. Being a parent is hard, finding balances for protecting, allowing failure, teaching them to work through fears, loving them so hard and most importantly forgiving them and showing them how to be compassionate and how to receive compassion and somewhere along the way there I believe that your own compass leads you to exactly where you are supposed to be. No matter what is going on in your life remember that your kids still deserve the best of you, also remember we all make mistakes we all do things we are not proud of we all get to be forgiven and start again. Where is your compass leading you? Remember that the road you are on right now doesn't mean its the road to your final destination.

Xo,

KB  



Dear Letters!

A friend of mine does these on her blog and I think I could benefit from writing out some of these dear letters that occur in my head . Basically these are letters that you saying out loud would not be appropriate, however saying them like this can make you feel better. I sure hope so because I have somethings building up, I may explode here soon.

My Dear Letters:

Dear Lady Checking out in front of me @ the Grocery Store,
I realize we all get old and one day I hope I am blessed to get around town on my own as long as you however it should not take 8 minutes for you to write out a check. I wish your son or daughter or grandchildren would introduce you to the Debit Card, it takes a swap and the tap of a few buttons and your done. No more check writing needed!

Dear Caleb,
I will hunt down who ever buys you anymore AXE body spray! I have three little words for you my boy, LESS IS MORE!!

Dear Middle School Teachers,
Like I have time to work a full time job, play taxi driver, cook meals, help with homework all before 9pm oh and check ALL 6 of your web pages every night or every other night to make sure my kid wrote down his homework. Cant we make this easier? One site per team? Something. I am OVERWHELMED and I am just the parent.

Dear Direct TV,
When you send a customer a statement saying "this is your FINAL bill" one would think there would be NO more drafts made. So when you drafted my account 18 days ago by mistake and the next day when I called to get you to refund my account you informed me that since I was no longer an ACTIVE customer I would receive a check in 7 to 10 business days. Now 18 days later I am told that the check was issued on the 12th and could take 30 days to reach me. 30 DAYS??? Then you had the nerve to ask me how you could get me to return to direct TV again. I am assuming the sound of the dial tone helped you with that answer.

Dear Lady on my street with the small toy dog NEVER on a Leash,
I pride myself in being a cautious driver on neighborhood streets, we have street parking and kids galore so I am on pins and needles driving down my street each night and now I have to keep my eyes open for your dog who is the size of a squirrel who runs the street. I have almost hit your dog more times then I can count on one hand and I don't appreciate your dirty looks as you run into the street after him. GET A LEASH!!! And we wouldn't have this problem, or better yet a stroller.

Dear Panthers,
You make loosing look easy! You make millions of dollars, your fans would enjoy seeing a great game every now and then, a game that doesn't require loosing in the 4th quarter. A game where the quarter back throws the ball for touch downs and we stop settling for field goals that are only worth 3 points. Please just look like you are trying this Sunday, I know its the GIANTS and we don't really stand a chance with Peyton and all but we would like something worth cheering for.

Dear Kylee,
I love you and I love your passion for Cheer & Tumble but at 8:45pm when you have said 'hey Mom watch this' 300 times already sometimes I fantasize about screaming ' No, I don't want to watch'!

Dear Friends who have 'ADULT' Birthdays every year,
I will be the first to tell you happy birthday,  I will sing to you, send you a sweet message maybe even a card. However I will not and cannot go to your birthday dinners every year. I am a single mom of two VERY expensive children. Cheerleading, Soccer, Food and Gas suck the life out of my bank account each month, not to mention buying my kids friends birthday presents. This does not mean that I don't LOVE you in any way shape or form , it means if you want to drink a bottle of cheap wine outside and laugh I am all in but babysitters, dinner, and drinks I am all out. Hope you have a blast.  Adult birthdays that I will celebrate, 21,30,40, 50, 60 ect. and please give me enough notice so that I may enter in my monthly budget. Some of you will read this and think I am being cheap but when you have one income for 3 people I have to be realistic. Again this doesn't mean I don't care about you, it means I admitting I am poor.

Dear Fax Machine @ work,
Your constant beeping is making me want to throw you out of the window.

I have to admit I feel better, no one was yelled at directly during this rant. This was not to be taken personally this was all in good fun, things I wish I could say or needed to say out loud please don't take them personally. Would love to hear your dear letters, do share!

Xo,
KB

  

My response to Mrs.Hall's open letter to teenage girls...

Weekly Confessions

So its been a while since I did one of these but I am feeling like I should start up again especially with the start of the new school year. So here it goes:

1. I absolutly hate hair gel. (My son needs to learn to apply)
2. The smell of a 12 year old boy after he sprays himself, the bathroom hell the entire upstairs of the house with Axe is awful, can you say GAG! I need to work on the less is more motto with him.
3. I wish I could shave as infrequently as my daughter.  
4. The snooze button is the devil.
5. Blisters suck.
6. I feel like I look like I am running from a swarm of bee's when I run.
7. I downloaded the One Direction song 'Best Song Ever' & I sing it loudly in the car by myself. 
8. Helping children with Math homework can cause tears.
9. I havent cooked a meal all week, all three days of the week so far...Tuesday, Wednsday,and Thursday.
10. Going to bed before 10pm during the week is PRICELESS!

That is all I have for today, please feel free to share some of your confessions with me.

Xo,
KB